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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30100566">Tearing Through Heaven</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mx_Poogie/pseuds/Mx_Poogie'>Mx_Poogie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Inquisitor Felix Fraldarius [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age: Inquisition, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Dragon Age: Inquisition Quest - Here Lies the Abyss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Past Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 14:08:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30100566</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mx_Poogie/pseuds/Mx_Poogie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>During the battle of Adamant, Felix falls into the Fade and recovers his memories - with the help of someone he never expected to see again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/The Iron Bull (Dragon Age), Male Inquisitor/The Iron Bull (Dragon Age)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Inquisitor Felix Fraldarius [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Tearing Through Heaven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Here Lies the Abyss, with a slight canon divergence.</p><p>A cynophobia warning - there is a scene with a group of canines attacking a human.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At the start, everything goes according to plan. </p><p>The siege begins and Felix and his team successfully infiltrate the fortress. He would have brought Bull, of course, but the plan involves a special role for the Chargers, and for this mission, Bull is needed with his company. </p><p><em>I’ll be with you the whole time, kadan,</em> Bull had said the night before, brushing his thumb against the halved dragon tooth hanging around Felix’s neck.</p><p><em>Don’t die,</em> Felix whispered back, pressing a kiss next to its other half hung around Bull’s neck, feeling sappier than in a long while.</p><p>Thus, Felix is accompanied by Dorian, Varric and Sera as he heads inside the walls of the fortress. The four of them make a good team, as they have faced countless battles together, and everybody knows their role without needing to be told what it is. They only need to shout half a word and the others already know what is needed of them. It’s a well-practiced, half-choreographed, half-improvised dance at this point, and at its best it thrills Felix down to his bones.</p><p>Rodrigue - and Dimitri, naturally - had insisted on coming to Adamant with the Inquisition. Felix had begrudgingly allowed it, on the condition that they place themselves under Cullen’s command. To everyone’s surprise they had agreed without putting up much of a fight.</p><p>The night before the battle Rodrigue had expressed pride in his son. <em>It’s an honorable thing for an important commander, an important general like you, I should say, to do - to fight at the frontlines. To be an example for his troops.</em></p><p>As always, his way of talking had rubbed Felix the wrong way. <em>I’m hardly doing it for honor,</em> he had answered, pointedly lifting his hand so that his green Mark was visible. <em>I can’t exactly just order someone else to do this in my stead.</em></p><p>What a fool his old man can be.</p><p>He’s thinking of their discussion as he seals another small rift while the others keep the demons off his back. Sera’s scream draws him out of his head in an instant.</p><p>Dorian’s well-placed fireball explodes the creature that has apparently almost torn her arm off. There is blood everywhere, on her, on the ground, and now on Felix, too, and the ever-present stubbornness in her eyes is for once replaced by pain and fear. The healing potion that Felix pours in her mouth with shaking hands is enough to stop the worst bleeding, but there’s no way she can continue with them - she needs a real healer if she wants to keep her arm.</p><p>They have to leave Sera to be escorted back by two Inquisition soldiers and push on without her. She’s too weak to even properly curse them out over it, and that makes Felix’s stomach twist with worry for his friend.</p><p>He cannot afford to dwell on it, so he pushes forward.</p><p>Losing Sera is a serious blow for their team, but not one they couldn’t overcome with small adjustments to their tactics. Corypheus’s giant dragon showing up a little later, however, does present a real problem. And then, in the chaos of avoiding the beast while also battling smaller enemies on the ground, Felix spots two familiar faces that should not be here, this deep into the fortress.</p><p>”Are you <em>fucking</em> kidding me,” he seethes just as they dodge another swipe of the dragon’s huge claws.</p><p>It is utter mayhem. Afterwards Felix won’t have a clear picture of what happened - he knows that the dragon was attacking a Grey Warden until its attention shifted to them, forcing them to retreat onto a narrow, broken walkway with nowhere else to run. Before the beast can reach them, however, the Warden mage, whom Felix had assumed dead from the way the dragon had tossed her around (her spine crunching sickeningly), must cast a spell of some kind. An explosion rattles the structures of the fortress.</p><p>What is left of the walkway crumbles into pieces beneath their feet. The air is filled with stone and dust, the roar of the dragon and the terrified yells and screams of everyone falling among the debris.</p><p>It’s an instinctual thing when Felix reaches out with his hand and wills his Mark to <em>tear</em> through the Veil.</p><p>When he lands - much too softly, considering the height of their fall - gasping, cradling his aching hand to his chest, he looks around and sees that he’s not the only one who made it to safety. Dimitri and Rodrigue are there, looking dazed but unharmed, as are Dorian and Varric. Felix’s heart is beating wildly from the near death they all just experienced, and his chest is tight with shocked relief.</p><p>”Is everyone alright?” he asks tersely after he’s regained the ability to speak. His voice echoes strangely around them. Their surroundings are slightly unnerving: dark and shifty, blurry with strange mist.</p><p>”So it would seem,” Dorian says, his tone casual as he’s dusting off his robes and hair, ”only, you seem to have dropped us in the Fade, my friend.”</p><p>Varric groans, throwing his head back. Rodrigue looks alarmed. Dimitri - his eye widens and his grip on his lance turns white-knuckled. ”Are you out of your mind, Felix!” he hisses.</p><p>”Oh, I’m so sorry I didn’t just let us fall to our deaths! Next time, I’ll be sure to not bring you along,” Felix snaps back, grimacing. His hand is absolutely pulsating with pain like never before, and he has to grit his teeth to keep from groaning out loud. Even pressing his nails into his palm hard enough to probably draw blood can’t take the edge off like it usually does.</p><p>”Dimitri,” Rodrigue warns in a low voice.</p><p>”Are you sure <em>you’re</em> alright?”, Varric asks, frowning at Felix. ”You’re looking a bit pale there, kid.”</p><p>”I’m fine,” he says and tries to relax his tense shoulders and school his face to something less pained. ”Save your magic,” he says to Dorian, who’s already opening his mouth to offer to heal him. ”It won’t help.”</p><p>”Are you sure?” Dorian asks quietly, hand on Felix’s arm.</p><p>Felix shakes his head. He glances over his shoulder and his father and Dimitri. ”It’s the Mark,” he confesses, silently enough that they won’t hear him.</p><p>”Ah. Worse than usual, I take it?”</p><p>”Much,” he grits out.</p><p>Dorian looks worried, but before he can say anything more, Rodrigue speaks up from behind them.</p><p>”I trust you have a plan to get us out of here? Felix?” He’s gripping Dimitri’s shoulder, who looks to be feeling nauseated. Maybe it’s the greenish tint of the Fade making him appear that way. Rodrigue, on the other hand, looks as calm as ever, as if they’re having this conversation over tea back home; not even all the grime and blood coating his chest plate or the sand in his hair can diminish the effect. Felix finds that he can, in fact, appreciate his father - on rare occasion.</p><p>He takes a deep breath to think past the pain. ”I didn’t really have time to plan that far ahead,” he admits. Uncertainty rears its ugly head inside him, but he crushes it down ruthlessly. This might be a bad situation, but it’s certainly better than the alternative.</p><p>Dorian comes to his aid. ”Easy! We find another tear in the Veil and walk right out.”</p><p>His seemingly carefree appearance and tone only agitate Dimitri further. ”Why must we find another one? Can’t you just - open it up again - the way you did to bring us here in the first place?” he asks Felix, frustrated.</p><p>The mere thought makes Felix wince from phantom pain. ”No. I really can’t.”</p><p><em>”Why?”</em> Dimitri demands loudly.</p><p>Felix’s hackles rise. He bares his teeth.</p><p>”Now, now,” Dorian interjects, sensing the impending shouting match. ”There’s no need to worry. If you recall, there’s a rather impressive rift not too far from here that will take us right back to Adamant.”</p><p>”The one the Wardens opened, you mean?” Varric asks.</p><p>”The very same.”</p><p>”Not to rain on your parade, Sparkler,” he says, ”but I seem to recall they opened that one for a reason. A demon-summoning reason.”</p><p>”So we kill the demon,” Felix shrugs, impatient. Dorian points to him. ”What he said, yes.”</p><p>Varric raises his eyebrows at them disbelievingly. Felix huffs. ”Do you have a better plan?”</p><p>”Fine, fine,” Varric says, raising his hands in surrender. ”I guess so, then,” he mutters. ”At least you make it sound simple.”</p><p>Dimitri blanches. ”You are all insane,” he says, but it’s more of a whine than anything else.</p><p>Felix spins around to look directly at him. He cannot take this right now. ”Feel free to stay here,” he spits. ”See if I care.”</p><p>”I’m merely saying -”</p><p>”No one asked you to follow us,” Felix says, speaking over him. ”In fact, I believe I <em>ordered</em> both of you to stay under commander Cullen’s command, and as I recall <em>you agreed to it!”</em> He glares at both his father and Dimitri.</p><p>”But the dragon -”</p><p>”Oh, yes, you ended up being really fucking helpful with the dragon, didn’t you,” he spits at Dimitri’s pale face. Behind him, Rodrigue has the sense to look regretful.</p><p>Felix is just about to say some chosen words to his old man when someone taps his shoulder.</p><p>”I hate to interrupt, but we <em>really</em> should get moving,” Dorian says.</p><p>His tone makes Felix take a look around.</p><p>It seems to be getting darker. The strange, shadowy swirls in the distance seem more defined than they had just a moment ago, and now that he’s paying attention it feels as if there’s something immaterial pressing on his chest and eardrums, something ominous that makes his skin crawl. </p><p>”Fear demons,” Dorian says quietly in response to Felix’s frown. ”Small ones, so far, and not as close as they could be. Do not be startled by them, if you can help it; it will only encourage them.”</p><p>”And make them larger, I bet,” Varric mutters.</p><p>”Then we had better get on the move,” Rodrigue says calmly, his face almost impassive. Felix has a childish urge to flip him off but he swallows it and takes a deep breath. Now’s not the time.</p><p>”Now, I’ve never had to navigate the Fade while <em>physically</em> here”, Dorian muses, ”but…” He hums. ”This way, I believe.”</p><p>”Based on what?” Dimitri demands, clearly distrustful.</p><p>Felix is just about ready to punch Dimitri in the face (again), but Dorian just flashes him a bright grin. ”Why, because that’s where I can feel the strongest demonic energies emanating from, of course!”</p><p>”Good enough for me!” Varric declares before any more arguments can be started. ”Let’s move it, people!”</p><p> </p><p>It’s hard to say how far they’ve walked, or how long; time seems to work slightly differently in the Fade than it does in their world. Now they can at least see where they are headed: high up, in the distance, the rift they are looking for swirls ominously. They have been climbing and climbing, and Felix finds himself falling into a similar tired half-trance as he often does when they have to hike from one camp to the next. The wear of battle means his muscles were already tired before starting this trek, and as they now walk on, there seems to be a constantly deepening oppressive darkness blurring his vision, one that cannot be lifted even by the usually unbearably bright witch light of Dorian’s staff. It wears on his mind on top of his exhausted body. </p><p>There are also whispers that Felix can hear but not understand - he only knows that whatever is being said to him, it isn’t pleasant or kind. Occasionally, one of his companions gasps or whimpers and grips their weapon as <em>something</em> brushes near them, but Felix can never see what it is. He presumes that it must be the demons, the small fears that Dorian mentioned, and wonders if the darkness is his. It used to scare him when he was a child, and even though he’d never admit it to anyone, he still feels on edge when engulfed by it.</p><p>Like now, for example.</p><p>He’s startled out of his daze when Dorian, only a few steps ahead of him, stops in his tracks so suddenly that Felix almost walks into him.</p><p>It’s unnecessary to ask what made him stop. Even in the dim twilight Felix can see that not too far ahead there are two figures standing side by side. They appear human, except for a faint almost-glow that seems to surround them.</p><p>”Identify yourselves,” Dorian commands as the figures step closer, but Felix doesn’t need to hear their answer as they get close enough for Dorian’s witch light to illuminate their faces properly. His knees give out without warning and he falls to the ground with a thump.</p><p>Varric is there in an instant, reaching to touch his shoulder. ”Kid -”</p><p>”Who are you?” Dorian demands again, lifting his staff to a more defensive position when the figures still keep moving towards them.</p><p>Dimitri’s voice, confused and uncertain, responds from somewhere behind Felix, who can’t feel his legs. ”I know him. I - I thought he’d died.”</p><p>Varric turns to look back at him. ”Who?”</p><p>Rodrigue answers him. Even he cannot keep his voice quite steady. ”He looks a lot like someone we all knew well, someone who is presumed to have died at the Conclave - he accompanied Felix there.”</p><p>Varric gives Felix’s shoulder a tight squeeze. ”Kid?”</p><p>Felix shakes his head mutely. He can’t tear his eyes away from the painfully familiar face.</p><p>”I believe his companion must be… the late Divine,” Rodrigue continues, his tone wondering.</p><p>”Yes,” she answers, smiling at them, startling everyone.</p><p>”Or someone or something that merely looks like her,” Dorian says, his staff still up.</p><p>The one who looks like Sylvain takes another step towards Felix. Dorian and Varric move to stand defensively in front of him, and from the sounds he can tell that his father and Dimitri are drawing their weapons as well.</p><p>”Don’t!” he rasps, suddenly terrified of them hurting him, and thankfully they all freeze. His heart is racing, and he cannot tell if it is from fear or anticipation.</p><p>Sylvain smiles at him warmly and weaves past them. He comes to stand in front of Felix and kneels down, mirroring his position. For a moment, they just look into each other’s eyes. The ones meeting Felix’s right now are exactly as he remembers: warm, brown, sparkling with amusement and mischief and <em>love</em>. </p><p>”You don’t remember,” Sylvain says softly, tilting his head.</p><p>Hearing his voice after such a long time makes Felix choke up - had he truly already forgotten? It’s nothing like the mutilated, distorted speech he keeps hearing in his nightmares; there’s no agony or fear in it; this Sylvain’s voice is rich and alive and real. Unable to speak, he shakes his head.</p><p>Sylvain’s hand comes to cup Felix’s cheek, and his thumb brushes away the tears gathered in the corner of his eye. His hand is warm, calloused in the right places. Felix shivers at the touch.</p><p>”Do you want to?” Sylvain asks, leaning in, close enough that their noses are almost touching, that Sylvain’s hair falls around their faces, hiding them from view. Felix breathes in and he can smell Sylvain’s skin. It’s an unbearably familiar scent. Being reminded of it makes his heart clench painfully in his chest.</p><p>He nods.</p><p>Both of Sylvain’s hands come up to gently cradle Felix’s face as he leans all the way in and, without any hesitation, kisses him on the lips. Felix can’t help the way he gasps. His lips have a will of their own, a memory in the flesh, and they part to let Sylvain inside just as they have a thousand times before.</p><p>Bright, white light bursts behind his eyes, blinding him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They’re early at the Temple; the negotiations aren’t due to start until hours later; but they are not the only ones. For days now an ever-increasing number of all kinds of people has been flocking to Haven. Even those who have no business to attend the conclave proper are there, just to be in the general vicinity of the Divine or to be able to hear any news as soon as possible.</em>
</p><p><em>Felix and Sylvain are in the main hall, where the air is filled with a low, echoing murmur…</em><br/>
…of the voices of everyone gathered inside. The atmosphere is expectant, hopeful but tense, evident in the nervous side notes present in most of the conversations going on around them. It puts Felix on edge; he’s gritting his teeth, gripping the hilt of his sword, shifting his weight from the balls of his feet onto his heels and back again, and he can’t stop scanning the motley crowd for the inevitable signs of chaos and bloodshed. His father may have faith in this going well - Felix will believe it when he sees it.</p><p>”You’re being twitchy again, Fe,” Sylvain murmurs into his ear. His breath tickles Felix’s skin. ”Its making me nervous, too. Stop it.”</p><p>”You stop it,” Felix growls back.</p><p>”Oh, c’mon, we should concentrate on remembering all the cool stuff! Look at all these people! When are we <em>ever</em> going to see humans and elves and dwarves and <em>Qunari</em> all in the same room again, all trying to get along, just awkwardly shuffling about, huh? Mages <em>and</em> Templars - and beautiful Mothers…” He nudges Felix’s side.</p><p>”You’re incorrigible.”</p><p>They fall silent again, and Felix keeps growing more and more tense. ”I hate big crowds,” he mutters through his teeth when a group of Templars passing them by to get further inside practically push him and Sylvain into the wall.</p><p>”Then let’s get out of here for a moment,” Sylvain suggests, tugging on his arm. ”It’s going to be a while, still, and I’m not opposed to finding a more <em>private</em> spot for us to wait at,” he grins and wiggles his eyebrows. ”To help you relax, you know.”</p><p>Felix narrows his eyes at him. ”I’m not fucking you inside the temple,” he warns but allows Sylvain to pull him along.</p><p>”You’re such a prude, Felix. C’mon!”</p><p> </p><p>Sylvain leads him to a quiet side corridor on the upper floor where the uninterrupted cacophony of voices is a mere hum, dampened by the thick stone floor and walls. He grins at Felix, clearly satisfied with himself, and spreads his arms proudly. ”Here you go, my lord, a completely crowd-free environment!”</p><p>Felix huffs and rolls his eyes. ”I suppose this is better.”</p><p>”You <em>suppose</em>? After everything I’ve done for you!” Sylvain clutches his chest. ”You wound me, sir!”</p><p>He laughs when Felix gives his shoulder a light push and retaliates by booping his nose with his finger. ”You know that it’s a waste of time to play grumpy with me,” he says. ”I speak Felix-enese way too fluently to fall for that!”</p><p>Felix decides to shut him up with a kiss. It’s usually the most effective method with Sylvain, anyway, and even if Felix isn’t about to do anything too sacrilegious, well - a little making out is allowed, right? He can feel Sylvain smiling against his lips, and sure enough, soon there’s a hand sliding down his back, lower - lower -</p><p>Felix pulls away and grabs Sylvain’s wrist. There is a shameless grin on his face. </p><p>”You -” Felix begins, but cuts himself off almost instantly. He strains his ears. ”Do you hear something?”</p><p>Sylvain blinks at him. ”Aside from the townful of people outside and downstairs, you mean?”</p><p>”<em>Yes,</em> aside from them! From this floor.”</p><p>It’s more of a feeling than a sound, perhaps - a sensation of something creeping against his skin, just out of reach. Sylvain must feel it, too, when he quiets and down and concentrates, because his easy-going expression turns into a deep frown.</p><p>”This way, I think?” he suggests quietly, voice barely above a whisper, gesturing left of the stairwell they’d climbed up. Felix nods.</p><p>They sneak around the corner of the corridor to find a pair big, heavy-looking doors. If Felix were to guess, he’d estimate that the must lead to a room directly above the main hall on the first floor. The weird, sound-like sensation gets stronger by every step they take towards them, almost like it’s somehow leaking out from the narrow gap between the doors and the floor. Whatever it is, it makes the hairs on the back of Felix’s neck stand on end.</p><p>It’s hardly necessary for him and Sylvain to exchange the looks that they do - they both already know that there’s no way they’re not going in - but it steadies something inside Felix, regardless.</p><p>He takes a deep breath and pulls his sword loose from its sheath.</p><p>Sylvain pushes the doors open, gripping the neck of the axe hanging from his belt, Felix at his flank.</p><p>”What’s going on here?” he shouts as they quickly take in the sight before them.</p><p>It steals the air from Felix’s lungs.</p><p>A group of Grey Wardens - for the armor and weapons they bear definitely belong to Grey Wardens - have <em>Divine Justinia</em> in some sort of binding spell. She’s surrounded by them, clearly in agony, and the moment he and Sylvain enter the room, her eyes find them and she cries out to beg them for help.</p><p>There’s barely any time to process any of that, however, because an instant later he notices the giant creature Felix could only describe as some kind of half-man-half-demon monster. Its gaze snaps towards them, surprised or startled, and as a result it drops the heavy, round object it is holding, and it falls exactly so that it ends up rolling right to Felix’s feet.</p><p>Instinctually, he crouches down, reaching out with his left hand to catch it - </p><p>- and the world around him explodes with a booming, crackling, ear-and-heart-shattering un-sound that knocks both him and everyone else inside the room unconscious.</p><p> </p><p>A strange pulsating pain radiating from the palm of his hand and up his forearm is what forces Felix awake. He groans and tries to blink the residual spots of light from his vision. A cough wracks his body.</p><p>
  <em>”Felix!”</em>
</p><p>He forces his eyes open and sits up, stubbornly disregarding the way it makes his head swim.</p><p>Wherever he’s landed, it’s like no place he’s seen before. It’s barren, dark and empty, and there are what almost look like solid shadows all around him, fluttering in non-existent wind. He needs to keep blinking because everything looks blurry and wrong, somehow.</p><p>Even so, he can clearly see Sylvain limping towards him, half-carrying the Divine, her arm across his shoulders. He is bleeding from somewhere along his hairline. The dark blood covering half of his face contrasts the deathly pale shade his face has taken, and the expression in his eyes in wild with fear and worry. ”Felix!” he yells again, speeding up his steps.</p><p>Slowly, Felix makes himself stand up. ”I’m fine,” he grunts, still leaning on his knees as Sylvain’s feet enter his field of vision. ”Where in the void are we?”</p><p>Sylvain’s voice is thin. ”We’re in the Fade.”</p><p>That makes him straighten his spine faster than anything he could have imagined hearing as an answer. Sylvain has to reach out with his free arm to keep him from falling right back over when his hand flares with pain from the movement. ”Excuse me?”</p><p>He looks into Sylvain’s eyes, but there’s no amused spark in them, nothing to indicate that this is a bad joke.</p><p>”Yes, I believe this to be the Fade.”</p><p>It’s not Sylvain’s voice, it’s Divine Justinia’s. She’s even paler than he is. The words she speaks, in a strong Orleasian accent, are clear, however. ”We tore through the Veil when you interrupted ’is ritual.”</p><p>”What? How?”</p><p>Sylvain’s horrified gasp interrupts her before she can answer. ”Maker, Felix! What happened to your hand?”</p><p>Felix hasn’t hasn’t taken a look at it yet, so he lifts it up to see better, expecting a copious amount of blood or some other familiar sign of injury. The instant he sees it, he understands Sylvain’s strong reaction.</p><p>In the middle of his palm, there is a wound, a wide, open gash. Only, it’s not a wound at all - it’s a <em>crack</em>, and it’s not bleeding but glowing - like he’s holding a sickly green flame in his hand. Even where his skin is intact, he can see the light faintly shimmering right beneath it, like the flame of a candle from behind a thin curtain. He can also feel that it’s <em>deep</em>. The faint shimmer surrounding the injury extends up his wrist, seemingly closer to surface at some points than others, painting its own web of green, glowing veins on Felix’s skin.</p><p>That would explain the searing pain, he thinks, dazed.</p><p>He has to clear his throat. ”I- I picked up that thing the creature was holding,” he says, transfixed on the strange mark.</p><p><em>”Maker,”</em> Sylvain whispers.</p><p>Felix tears his eyes away to look at Sylvain, whose expression is closer to terrified than he’s seen in a long time. ”I’m fine.” He holds the arm close to his chest and makes a fist when he notices that pressure seems to dampen the foreign, painful sensation. ”Left hand’s not needed for fighting, anyway - and you’re injured, too,” he reminds him, pointedly looking at the blood covering his face, but Sylvain just shakes his head.</p><p>”It’s nothing. I’m not even dizzy.” He glances around. ”We need to get out of here.”</p><p>Divine Justinia pushes herself away from Sylvain and points. ”The tear in the Veil is still open - look!”</p><p>In the distance, there is a flicker of something very similar to what has appeared on Felix’s palm, just much larger. Large enough to be stepped through by grown humans, most likely, Felix realizes.</p><p>”We’ll go there, then,” he says with a nod. Sylvain nods right back at him.</p><p>What they at first think is going to be a straightforward walk turns into a nightmare very quickly.</p><p>The Fade around them changes shape. The blurriness that Felix noticed when he first opened his eyes here doesn’t disappear, it get’s stronger, and in the blur, the flat ground surrounding their small group lowers and raises itself seemingly at will. The shadowy shapes, previously stationary, start moving, and it gradually dawns on Felix what they must be - <em>demons.</em></p><p>Fear starts to creep up his spine.</p><p>”Let’s hurry up,” Sylvain says a little shakily, taking his hand.</p><p>Their impending panic clearly spurs the creatures on. They seem to grow and their shapes become more defined, until one runs towards them. It’s shaped like a monstrous wolf-dog, huge fangs visible and dripping with bloody spittle and foam, and even from a distance Felix can tell that its hot breath smells like death and rot. The sight threatens to turn his blood into ice, but even if his hand is shaking, he draws his sword and slashes the demon’s throat as it lunges at him. Hot, sticky blood bursts over his arms and face.</p><p>His next exhale is shaky. Sylvain grabs his arm tightly enough to hurt. ”C’mon,” he urges.</p><p>Felix forces his feet to move.</p><p>It’s like the first attack unleashed all the rest of the creatures as well. As the flat ground they are walking across slowly turns into an ever steeper incline, he and Sylvain find themselves at their limit trying to fend them off. Needing to keep the Divine safe in addition to themselves complicates matters further.</p><p>It comes to a point where it becomes impossible. Weary and in pain, Felix makes a <em>mistake</em>.</p><p>Divine Justinia is closest to the opening, Felix right behind her. A demon jumps in front of her, so Felix lunges forward to kill it.</p><p>It means that he moves away from Sylvain.</p><p>It means that Sylvain gets separated from him by a horde of vicious, unrelenting demons.</p><p>When the one attacking Divine Justinia falls down a heartbeat later, pierced by Felix’s blade, and he turns around, it’s already too late. Sylvain’s axe has been torn from his grip, and with bare hands, he’s trying to push the demons down, but one of them sinks its fangs in his arm and others are jumping against him. He can barely keep himself upright, and as the ground tilts more, he slips even further away from Felix.</p><p><em>”SYL!”</em> Felix screams, the sound tearing through his throat so harshly that he can taste blood.</p><p>Sylvain’s eyes meet his. They’re panicked - tired - resigned. ”No!” Felix yells, taking a step towards him, but there’s a wall of demons between them. The strange mark in his left hand crackles, and something about that makes the demons back off from Felix, but not enough to let him through. ”Sylvain!”</p><p><em>”GO!”</em> Sylvain yells back at him, over the exited growling and whining of his attackers. He’s shaking his head, desperately trying to stay up. ”Go with her, Felix!” </p><p>He’s crying.</p><p>So is Felix. <em>”No!”</em> he screams, but it’s useless. The gap between them widens as more demons seem to spring into existence out of thin air.</p><p>There is no answer from Sylvain anymore, because just then one of the demons jumps and manages to close its jaws around Sylvain’s neck.</p><p>There is so much blood.</p><p>He falls, and Felix can’t see his body from beneath the pile the wolf-creatures that are now tearing it apart. </p><p>Blinded by tears, sobs hitching his breath, Felix turns around and starts running up towards Divine Justinia, who has almost made it to the top. She’s tired, so he reaches her easily and then laboriously pulls himself up the rest of the way, the ground now closer to a steep mountainside than the flat land they started on.</p><p>He reaches down to help the Divine up. She’s almost there, feet already standing on the ledge when the demons, now scrambling after them again, get a hold of her clothes. There is barely any time to react. </p><p>Her eyes take on the same look as Sylvain’s just moments before. </p><p>”Go,” she says, and just as the demons pull her backwards, she pushes Felix.</p><p>He falls out of the Fade and everything goes black.</p><p> </p><p>Felix comes back to himself with a ragged gasp and opens his eyes. He’s still kneeling on the ground. Sylvain is still there, sitting on his heels now, watching him intently.</p><p>”Do you remember?” he asks quietly.</p><p>Felix swallows multiple times before he can speak. ”You’re not him,” he whispers. His jaw aches and his eyes are wet. ”He’s dead.” In his bones Felix had known that to be the case, but this was an irrefutable confirmation of that fact. Not only that - now he knew that Sylvain hadn’t faced a quick end like everybody at the Temple of Sacred Ashes had - like Felix had assumed he had.</p><p>Not-Sylvain’s eyes are sad and somehow very, very old. He says nothing.</p><p>Sylvain’s ring, hidden under Felix’s armor alongside the dragon’s tooth he got from Bull, feels like a white-hot brand against his skin. Nausea rolls through him and he forces himself to get up, staggering backwards on his unsteady legs. Dorian reaches out to steady him, but Felix flinches from his touch.</p><p>”Felix -”</p><p>He shakes his head, eyes closed, and turns to face away from everyone before promptly doubling over and retching. He stays there, leaning on his knees, and tries to regain control of his breathing. His head is swimming and his body is shaking and wave after wave of a renewed sense of loss and grief is washing over him, hot and cold and absolutely paralyzing. The grief is accompanied by gut-wrenching horror at the manner of Sylvain’s death: torn apart by demons, fully conscious of it happening.</p><p>He hadn’t even begged Felix for help, or for him not to go. He had told Felix to <em>run</em>.</p><p>And Felix had <em>done just that.</em></p><p>Felix can feel the others hovering uncertainly behind him, not knowing what to say or do. Their presence is suffocating.</p><p>What Felix wants to do is to curl up and scream and sob and stay right where he is until his body dissolves and becomes part of the Fade - but he knows he can’t. The battle isn’t over, and he needs to get everyone out of here. He stays here, and with the disappearance of the only method to close the countless Fade rifts, the world is swallowed by demons and Corypheus wins.</p><p><em>I don’t care,</em> whispers some part of him.</p><p>But Felix has come this far, and he needs to be better than that. So he forces it all down, down, down, somewhere deep inside to be let out at a better time. For now, he must be the weapon coincidence had forged him into. Concentrating on the familiar weight of the dragon’s tooth around his neck, trying not to think about the accompanying ring, he makes himself take a deep breath, and a second one, and another one, and furiously blinks away the veil of tears that threatens to blind him. Now the pain radiating up his arm becomes an asset instead of a hindrance, something to ground himself with, and he holds on to it with all his might. With a final shaky exhale, he straightens his back and rubs and hand over his face before turning around.</p><p>The thought of seeing the looks of pity and sympathy on everyone’s faces is unbearable, so he stubbornly concentrates on the Not-Divine - and Not-Sylvain, who’s moved farther away from him. It’s not Sylvain, Felix reminds himself, it’s a spirit. He can look at it and not care.</p><p>”What now?” he asks, voice rough, before anyone can say anything. He needs to keep moving or the memories will drown him.</p><p>”We will help you find the way,” the Not-Divine says immediately. ”You need to go quickly, or the demon that is being summoned and fed with the blood and terror of the Wardens will grow too strong.”</p><p>Felix likes her directness.</p><p>”Fine. Let’s go.” He steps after her, but stops when no one else moves.</p><p>”What?” he snaps at them. ”You want to stay here or get out?”</p><p>Rodrigue opens his mouth to say something, but Varric stops him by lifting his palm. ”You’re right, kid.” He looks at the others. ”We should hurry up. The time for talking about what all this means comes after we’ve gotten ourselves out of this mess.”</p><p>Felix can feel his face paling as a sudden spike of terror and shame pierces him. It hadn’t occurred to him…. But this was the Fade, after all, where normal rules didn’t apply. ”Did you - did you see… what I saw?” He thinks he’s going to retch again.</p><p>No one says anything. They don’t want to look Felix in the eye. ”Flashes of it, I believe,” Dorian answers eventually, eyes downcast. ”I understand that we saw something very private - it was not by choice.” </p><p>”I see,” Felix whispers, clearing his throat. He looks away.</p><p>”Let’s get moving,” Dimitri says gruffly. </p><p>No one protests. </p><p> </p><p>A pressing sense of ever stronger terror surrounds them as they make their way, advancing faster now with the help of their new guides, and soon they find themselves beneath something very large and very, very looming. With a start Felix realizes that it’s alive -that it looks very much the same as the wolf-like monsters he’d encountered the first he’d been here, but much, much larger. Its breathing and growling stir the Fade all around them.</p><p>”Is that the demon?” Felix asks in a low voice, already knowing the answer. Dorian nods. He’s grown more and more quiet as they’ve marched on, as has everybody else. </p><p>Maybe they, too, feel like they might vomit or scream if they open their mouths too carelessly, Felix thinks.</p><p>”Yes,” the Not-Divine says. ”It is the Nightmare, the mother of all of these Fears. You are in its lair now.”</p><p>”Awesome,” Varric mutters darkly, visibly tightening his grip on his crossbow.</p><p>”The rift is somewhere close,” Felix says to encourage both himself and the others, flexing his left hand. By now, he has learned to recognize the flares that indicate instability in the Veil nearby, as opposed to just random stings that hit him sometimes. What he’s currently experiencing are definitely of the former variety. </p><p>The Not-Divine nods. ”Yes. However, you will need to fight your way through.”</p><p>Felix takes a deep breath.</p><p>”Let us be ready,” Rodrigue says calmly from behind his shoulder.</p><p>Everybody grips their weapons.</p><p> </p><p>Small packs of demons are easy enough for them to clear; for Felix, Dorian and Varric, it is effectively no different from doing the same outside the Fade, and Rodrigue and Dimitri are far from inexperienced fighters.</p><p>What changes the course of their escape is Dimitri’s uncontrollable battle fury. Felix sees the moment he loses his calm from the corner of his eye: a lesser rage demon, drawn to Dimitri’s ever-present anger and hatred simmering just under the surface, catches him off guard and manages to injure his left arm. Dimitri roars and allows his own rage to take over.</p><p>”Watch him!” Felix grunts at the others, himself caught in a duel with another creature.</p><p>In his blind fury, Dimitri gets sloppy and careless, and it doesn’t take long for the inevitable to happen. While everybody else is busy taking down their own opponents, one demon with spider-like claws as long as a man’s arm manages to flank him. Felix watches it happen, too far away to do anything but shout a clipped warning. It’s no use. The demon’s claw tears through Dimitri’s armor, leaving a long, jagged gash in its wake, reaching all the way from his armpit down to his hip. With an agonized yell, Dimitri crumbles to the ground, his lance flying far outside his reach.</p><p>Felix throws himself forward and is barely fast enough to deflect the demon’s follow-up blow that definitely would have been Dimitri’s end. Expertly he follows the attack with one of his own and the blood-covered claw snaps clean off. ”Dorian!” he yells.</p><p>He tries very hard not to think of the fact that here there’s no one to escort him back, to the healers, behind the frontlines. That the only way out is forward.</p><p>There’s a giant fiery explosion to his side and seconds later Dorian is there, crouching next to groaning Dimitri, pouring magic into the wound.</p><p>Rodrigue and Varric move to form a defensive wall with Felix, granting Dorian the relative peace to concentrate on healing.</p><p>”Is he alright?” Rodrigue shouts without losing track of their enemies. Felix can hear the concealed fear and worry bleeding through into his voice. ”Are you able to heal him?”</p><p>”I’m doing as much as I can, but this isn’t a strength of mine,” Dorian answers, tense. ”There must have been some poison on that thing. I won’t be able to finish the job, not this depleted.”</p><p>No one needs a reminder that they’re all out of potions. A sinking feeling settles in the pit of Felix’s stomach.</p><p>”But he’ll make it?” Now there’s a note of desperation in Rodrigue’s tone.</p><p>”If we can get him to a real healer in time, yes,” Dorian snaps.</p><p>”Then we must get to the rift!”</p><p>It isn’t far, a mere sprinting distance separates them from it, but a sea of demons wells before it. Felix is about yell <em>what exactly do you think we’re trying to do here</em> at his father when Not-Sylvain, who has carefully stayed back since returning Felix’s memories, makes a sudden appearance at his side. ”We will help you,” he says.</p><p>”How?” Felix asks.</p><p>”Goodbye, Felix,” he whispers, and then he’s glowing and floating and rushing towards the rift.</p><p>In the blink of an eye Felix realizes what he’s about to do. ”Dorian, shield us!” he shouts. ”Varric, watch our back! Father, help me carry him,” he commands, and everybody springs to action.</p><p>Dimitri cries out when he and Rodrigue pick him up between them, each one hoisting an arm over their shoulders. The cool bubble of a barrier expands over them, and then they’re moving. </p><p>The spirit that had taken Sylvain’s form seems to burst and dissolve into little droplets of light as it glides forward, and the light drives the demons back, granting them a clear path.</p><p>They try to keep up. Dimitri is, of course, the one factor slowing them down, as he is able to support hardly any of his own weight and is only barely conscious. His pained, wheezing breaths fill Felix’s ears. The blood that he’s covered in even if he’s no longer actively bleeding is hot and sticky where it comes into contact with Felix’s skin; his hand, the back of his neck. On his other side, Rodrigue is breathing heavily - from the combined weight of his heavy armor and Dimitri, the exertion of battle and, Felix knows, the fear and worry.</p><p>For a moment, Felix dares to believe they’ll make it. Then, the Nightmare looming above notices them and its growling turns furious and hungry.</p><p>The Not-Divine flies up, exploding right into the demon’s face, much like Not-Sylvain had done to the smaller demons, but unlike them the Nightmare doesn’t disappear. It merely screeches and shrinks down until it’s just a huge demon instead of a gargantuan one, and it’s still cutting them off. Felix halts. The wolf’s eyes are red and ravenous as it lowers its head and bares its bloody fangs at them.</p><p>”We gotta move, kid!” Varric shouts from behind them. ”Whatever your spirit-friend did, it’s starting to wear off!”</p><p>”I can’t keep up the barrier much longer,” Dorian warns them. He sounds strained.</p><p>Frantically, Felix tries to come up with some kind of plan that doesn’t end with them getting eaten by a giant demon-wolf. His mind is blank.</p><p>”Felix,” Rodrigue says urgently, already slipping out from under Dimitri’s arm. Felix has to put his other arm around Dimitri’s waist to be able to support his weight alone and tries to hoist him higher with the other. ”What are you doing?” he demands as a sense of dread fills his chest. ”Father!”</p><p>Rodrigue doesn’t answer - he draws his sword. ”Take him home, Felix. Look after him,” he says, giving Felix’s arm a hasty squeeze. With a deep inhale and a final look into his eyes, Rodrigue turns and runs away from them.</p><p><em>”What are you doing?”</em> Felix shouts, almost bolting after him.</p><p>Rodrigue roars. The Nightmare’s attention shifts to him and in order to pursue this new, willing prey it leaves the rift unguarded.</p><p>”He’s giving us an opening!” Dorian comes to support Dimitri from the other side. ”He won’t be able to hold it off for long!”</p><p>Feeling like he’s in a dream, observing himself from the outside, Felix forces himself to move, not towards Rodrigue but their way out. For what feels like a second time today he’s about to leave someone behind in the Fade. He and Dorian practically drag Dimitri forward, Varric right behind them -</p><p>When they reach the rift, Adamant already visible on the other side, Felix takes a second to glance over his shoulder.</p><p>The last thing he sees before they step through is the Nightmare swallowing his father whole.</p><p> </p><p>The moment his feet touch the stone of the Adamant Fortress Felix is already raising his hand. There are cries of surprise and shock all around him from the Wardens and Inquisition soldiers engaged in combat with each other and demons, but they don’t matter. Raw power surges out of his Mark, burning him on its way out, and that doesn’t matter either. There’s an unimaginably loud crackling <em>boom</em>, accompanied by a  familiar blinding flash of green light, that both closes the rift and pushes down everybody around them while turning every demon present to dust.</p><p>There’s a stunned silence. </p><p>Felix’s own labored breaths fill his ears first. Then there are Dimitri’s groans of pain and Dorian shouting <em>we need a healer</em> as he and Varric do their best to maneuver Dimitri to where more Inquisition troops are emerging from to rush to battle that they haven’t yet realized is over. Dazed, Felix stares after his friends until they disappear behind a corner.</p><p>Sometime later - Felix is unable to say how long he’s been standing there, bombarded by increasingly confused and uncertain glances in his direction from the soldiers - Commander Cullen emerges from behind the very same corner. There’s blood in his hair and on his face, Felix notes distantly, but from the way it’s splattered it doesn’t seem to be his own. It doesn’t take long for him to spot Felix. Both alarm and relief flash across his face, and he pushes past the soldiers to jog to him. ”Inquisitor!”</p><p>Felix blinks at him uncomprehendingly. He can’t move his mouth.</p><p>”What happened? You disappeared when the dragon did. We didn’t… Are you injured?”</p><p>The commander is looking down at Felix’s hands. Felix lifts them up.</p><p>”It’s not mine,” he hears himself say, eyes locked on the blood covering and soaking his gauntlets. There’s a lot more than he’d realized - Dimitri must still have been bleeding after all.</p><p>He jumps when Cullen puts his hands on his shoulders and squeezes, hard. ”Felix?”</p><p>Felix looks up. The commander is frowning, concerned. ”Are you alright?” he asks in a quiet voice, speaking slowly.</p><p>”My - my father got eaten by the Nightmare,” Felix says stupidly. It’s not what he intended to come out of his mouth. He can’t feel his face, but he thinks his expression must be off. Cullen’s frown deepens.</p><p>”What?”</p><p>Before he can say anything else, Cullen is interrupted by an Inquisition Lieutenant, who is being closely followed by a high-ranking Warden. ”Inquisitor! Commander!”</p><p>Cullen’s jaw tightens minutely before he lets go of Felix and turns to face them. ”What is it?”</p><p>”The Grey Wardens have officially surrendered, Sir,” the Lieutenant says. He throws an uncertain glance in Felix’s direction. ”They’ve been helping us take down the demons that are still around.” The Warden steps forward and bows his head. ”We have, Commander. Inquisitor. We have no one of higher rank left - we don’t know what to do, now.” He swallows audibly. ”What happened here today…” The Warden shakes his head. ”It’s unforgivable. I’m so ashamed of myself - we all are.”</p><p>Felix feels something stirring inside him when he looks at the man. Annoyance. Anger. Muted, but there.</p><p>”So stay and help the Inquisition fix the problems you’ve created,” he says coldly. The Warden looks up, confused.</p><p>”Inquisitor - they are still vulnerable to corruption,” Cullen reminds him. ”This could happen again.”</p><p>”If it does, I’d rather they were somewhere where we can keep an eye on them,” Felix all but snaps, reigning himself in at the last moment. It’s going to upset some people, he knows, but he doesn’t have it in him to care.</p><p>Cullen holds his gaze for a moment, then nods with a sigh. ”Very well. I shall see to the necessary arrangements.”</p><p>With a nod of his own, Felix turns and simply walks away. The sea of soldiers parts in front of him, letting him pass through easily. His reactions feel sluggish and chopped, his legs, though he’s using them, don’t belong to him. People are saying things to him - congratulating him? Cheering? Asking him something? - but he doesn’t stop; he cannot hear them properly. The Mark is pulsating to the rhythm of his heartbeat, sending little stabs of pain through his muscles, but it’s easing up now that he’s back on this side of the Veil and the rifts have been sealed.</p><p>His feet carry him to the healers’ tent. Dorian and Varric are sitting outside alongside a dozen other injured people, both bandaged up but looking relatively unharmed aside from identical haunted expressions on their faces. Felix stops in front of them. </p><p>”Is he alive?” His voice is hoarse and hollow. He can’t bring himself to look them in the eyes.</p><p>The men glance at each other. ”Yes,” Dorian says. ”We got here on time. He’ll have a long recovery, but he’s going to be alright.”</p><p>Felix closes his eyes. Maybe relief will come later. ”Sera?” he asks.</p><p>”She’ll be fine. She’s sleeping it off in there, right across from him.” Varric sighs. ”Kid…” he begins, but Felix doesn’t give him the chance to continue.</p><p>”I need to go wash up,” he mumbles, waving his hand. </p><p>They don’t try to stop him when he stumbles away.</p><p>He doesn’t know what it is that he wants to do. His body is at once jittery and heavy. He feels stick to his stomach, to the extent that at some point during his mindless wandering around he needs to lean against a wall and retch, but it’s just a dry-heave and doesn’t ease the nausea one bit. His hand leaves a bloody print on the stone.</p><p> </p><p>The Iron Bull finds him much later.</p><p>It must be well past midnight, perhaps closer to morning, but Felix couldn’t say. He’s not sure how long he has been sitting where is, atop the fortress wall, looking down at the Inquisition camp in the darkness. Countless tents in every direction, in bigger and smaller groups around campfires, barely visible in the desert night. Some have settled in the outermost courtyard; such as the healers’ tent, as well as Cullen and a few of his lieutenants. What is left of the Grey Wardens have been directed to a smaller courtyard with Inquisition soldiers keeping watch.</p><p>It’s quiet.</p><p>In the shadows, Felix struggles to keep his eyes open, because whenever he closes them he sees Sylvain getting torn to shreds. He sees the blood and the desolate look in his eyes, and then he sees himself turning away. Over and over the vision repeats itself, until he feels like he’s going mad with it. The regained memories feel too fresh for something that happened almost a year ago; in a way, they feel fresher and more real than his father’s death just hours previously. How is that even possible?</p><p>A sudden presence at his side startles Felix out of his daze. Bull sets down a small bucket and something else before crouching down next to him and slowly bringing his palm to the back of Felix’s neck.</p><p>”Kadan,” he says, a half-whispered greeting.</p><p>Felix doesn’t remember how to speak, so instead he just leans his head back into Bull’s hand and lets his eyes close halfway. When did he last blink? His eyes feel dry and swollen and his head aches terribly.</p><p>”Hey. Felix.”</p><p>He turns his head slowly to meet Bull’s gaze. </p><p>”Dorian told me what happened,” Bull says. Instantly, Felix ’s body tenses up and he has to look away, far away, at the most distant campfires and the tiny shadows surrounding them. Bull shushes him. ”Hey, shh. Just saying, if you’re not feeling talkative, I already got the rough picture.”</p><p>A shudder runs through Felix’s body. It’s followed by a dry, soundless sob escaping through his gritted teeth, more a gasp than anything else. There’s a full-on wail hiding behind it waiting for its turn, one that he cannot allow himself to let out, so he presses his hands to his face. Too late, he remembers the blood that he still hasn’t washed off, and ends up flinching from his own touch. With a whimper he instead curls in on himself, pulling his knees to his chest and hiding his face against them. </p><p>Bull gives the back of his neck a gentle squeeze and hums. He runs his palm slowly down Felix’s spine, then up again, repeating the movement in a calm rhythm. It’s a familiar grounding technique from whenever Felix gets overwhelmed in bed or wakes up in their shared tent, disoriented from a nightmare, and his body responds to it even now by relaxing incrementally.</p><p>”Will you look at me, kadan?” </p><p>It’s a simple request. Felix takes a slow breath and slightly turns his head so that it’s his temple resting against his knees instead of his face. The expression Bull is wearing is calm.</p><p>”Listen, I brought you something to drink ’cause I don’t think you’ve had a sip since before heading into battle.” He’s holding out a waterskin between them. The mere sight of one suddenly makes Felix aware of the fact that he actually is very thirsty, and with a shaky hand he accepts the offer. The water makes his throat hurt marginally less, at least.</p><p>”Good,” Bull rumbles as he drinks, but soon grabs Felix’s wrist and puts the waterskin away again. ”Not too much at once,” he says gently.</p><p>Felix blinks. Right.</p><p>”Let’s get you cleaned up a bit, yeah?”</p><p>It’s easy to slip into the familiar role where the only thing Felix needs to worry about is to do what Bull tells him to, even if the context is different. He dutifully holds his hands out for Bull to take off his blood-crusted gauntlets; he lifts his arms to let Bull undo the buckles of his chest plate and help it over his head. Bull even undoes the uppermost fasteners of Felix’s gambeson and tugs the collar open a bit. The cool night air makes goosebumps run across his skin.</p><p>Bull grabs the bucket he brought, as well as a small towel. ”Close your eyes,” he commands as he dips the towel in the water, and Felix does.</p><p>Gently, Bull cleans Felix’s face - wipes the sweat and grime from his forehead, with a soft touch removes the tear tracks and blood from his cheeks and around his mouth, makes sure that the fine layer of sand and dust stuck to his skin is gone. He lifts Felix’s hair and his necklace to get to his neck as well, and follows that up by running the towel over his throat, down to his collarbones peeking out from under the gambeson and the undershirt. It makes Felix shiver, both from the cold water and the care he can feel in every gesture. He swallows.</p><p>Next, Bull takes his hands and, one at a time, dips them in the bucket and with sure fingers rubs away the blood that has seeped through the gauntlets and stuck to his skin. The water seems to calm Felix’s still flaring Mark a little, and he can’t help letting out a small sigh of relief at the sensation.</p><p>That’s it. Bull puts away the bucket and the towel and waits for Felix to look him in the eye again. ”Now,” Bull begins when he does, ”I know you don’t want to, but you’re gonna have to come down sooner or later.” </p><p>Felix grimaces. Bull looks at him evenly. ”I’ll sit here with you as long as you like, but if we go now, I’ll probably get you to your tent without too many people noticing. Can’t promise I’ll be able to pull that off later when people start waking up.”</p><p>There’s no pressure; it’s a simple statement of fact. Felix is tired and cold; he feels like he’s on the verge of passing out, if he’s being quite honest with himself. However, the thought of being alone in his own tent, the <em>Inquisitor’s</em> tent, where guards are stationed outside and where anyone will be able to find him and ask things of him, is unbearable.</p><p>”Your tent,” Felix rasps. His throat still feels dry and sore.</p><p>Bull touches the side of Felix’s face. His calloused thumb strokes the sensitive skin behind his ear. ”Yeah?”</p><p>Felix nods. His eyes are starting to droop.</p><p>”Alright. My tent it is. Can you stand up?”</p><p>That’s a good question. Felix tries. He finds that he can barely get onto his knees, much less on his feet; his muscles are cold and stiff from sitting still for so long after a long day of fighting. </p><p>”Yeah, didn’t think so,” Bull mutters, but his tone is soft. ”C’mon, then.” He offers Felix a hand and pulls him up effortlessly once he takes it.</p><p>The problem is that even though Felix is now standing up, his legs are still completely numb. He means to lean into Bull’s chest for support while he wills them to obey his commands, but his head is swimming and his vision is actually greying out, and before he knows it, he’s going down again.</p><p>Bull’s reflexes make sure he doesn’t just drop to the ground like a stone; instead, strong hands grab a hold of his arms and lower him down slowly. ”Shit. You with me, kadan?” </p><p><em>Nnnh,</em> Felix manages. Everything is spinning. The ground is tilting and the gravity shifting, almost like he’s in the Fade again. He groans.</p><p>”Felix?”</p><p>Bull gives him a moment before eventually deciding that he’s clearly too out of it and unceremoniously scooping him up against his chest. Felix protests with a weak moan when the sudden movement makes his stomach lurch threateningly, and Bull pauses. ”All good?”</p><p>Not moving helps, and the world slows down around Felix again. He feels like a child with his legs dangling on both sides of Bull’s waist and his face tucked against Bull’s shoulder. If he weren’t so tired, he’d be feeling at least a little embarrassed, especially at the prospect of being carried around like this in public. However, Felix is sure that if Bull puts him back down right now he is actually going to cry from exhaustion and pain and grief and guilt, so instead of pushing away, he grips onto the back of Bull’s harness as hard as he can.</p><p>”Okay,” Bull rumbles soothingly. ”You’re okay.” </p><p>Felix presses closer.</p><p>One arm under Felix’s thighs, the other carrying Felix’s chest plate, like they weigh nothing, Bull makes his way down and then across the sleeping camp. The way his walking sways Felix almost lulls him to sleep. </p><p>As Bull promised, they run into no one on their way to where the Chargers have made their camp, a little to the side of the Inquisition’s main forces. They pass a few quiet conversations but that’s it - nobody demands to speak with the Inquisitor, or to know where Bull is taking him - nobody notices.</p><p>Bull seems to be reading his thoughts. His deep voice vibrates through Felix as he speaks. ”See? For all they know, you’re just one of my little Chargers.” He sounds amused.</p><p>Felix hums noncommittally.</p><p>He wakes up when they get to Bull’s tent and Bull comes to a halt. Reorienting himself takes a moment; he can’t have slept for longer than a few minutes, but that’s not how it feels. This time when his feet touch the ground Felix is actually able to stay up, even if it is just barely. </p><p>”Gonna fall asleep again,” he warns Bull. It’s so tempting to just lie down right where he is standing. Felix knows he’d be out like a light, no matter how hard the ground is.</p><p>(No matter how many nightmares he’s going to have.)</p><p>Bull ushers him inside. The tent is, naturally, bigger than the ones humans have in use, but the size is rather mitigated by Bull’s massive presence. On the floor, Felix’s bedroll is already waiting for him. It’s strange to see it there - it was only this morning that he woke up in here, but the day has felt more like a week. It’s exhausting to just think about it, so Felix simply gets down. His leg muscles sing silent praises at him.</p><p>”Let’s get you out of that armor,” Bull says quietly, setting Felix’s chest plate by the door flaps. He ties those closed before turning to Felix.</p><p>Gentle hands pull off Felix’s boots and greaves and set them aside, followed by his gambeson. Felix tries to help by lifting his hands or moving his legs when necessary.</p><p>”Are the Chargers alright?” he asks. Bull nods.</p><p>”Yep. Scrapes and bruises, a couple burns. Krem almost broke his arm, but that’s been taken care of.”</p><p>It’s a bigger relief than Felix expected, to hear that some part of the operation went without a hitch. ”Good,” he mumbles and obediently takes a few more sips of water from the waterskin that Bull is holding out for him again. </p><p>Bull hands him the almost-clean tunic Felix had slept in last night and helps him change into it. Getting out of the sweat- and blood-soaked undershirt feels heavenly. It makes his eyelids even heavier, and he finally, <em>finally</em> is allowed to lie down next to Bull’s reassuring bulk. The bedroll feels like the most luxurious feather-filled mattress right then, and slowly warmth starts to seep back into Felix’s body.</p><p>As Bull strips himself of his gear, Felix struggles to stay awake just long enough to make sure of something.</p><p>”You’ll stay here?”</p><p>The words come out garbled, rendered nearly unintelligible by exhaustion, but Bull understands. A hand comes to touch Felix’s head.</p><p>”’Til you wake up, kadan. Not going anywhere.”</p><p>With those words, Felix allows himself to fall asleep. He’ll deal with everything later; for now, he’s safe.</p>
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